It was great help though that Lea randomly asked why I was "bothered". Wasn't expecting she'd ask, but anyway. I discussed the situation with her and well, she helped me fathom what's going on as well.

12:11:13 AM Lea Salonga: hahahaha!

12:11:21 AM Lea Salonga: don't lose sleep over it.

12:12:12 AM Lea Salonga: at the end of the day, your grades won't matter in the real world.

12:12:32 AM Lea Salonga: the quality of your work and your work ethic however, will.

12:12:37 AM Peachy Atilano: i know. well i wish i could make my mom realize that too.

12:12:57 AM Lea Salonga: she just wants you to succeed... in the hope that you'll succeed in life as well once you graduate.

12:13:09 AM Lea Salonga: parents are interesting creatures.

12:14:57 AM Lea Salonga: but you have to live your dreams.

12:15:05 AM Lea Salonga: not anyone else's.

"But you have to live your dreams, not anyone else's."

If there's one thing I badly needed to realize, this might be it. I've always tried to do things in such a way that it will complement what my mom discreetly (or bluntly) asks of me. Well, maybe it's good enough that I had the liberty to choose what track to take in college, but it doesn't help that she pours out enormous expectations, especially right after my graduation. It's like her ultimate dream that I graduate and she constantly thinks that we will be filthy rich the day after I march and get that spectacular little thing called diploma.

It's not that I don't want to graduate, it's just that I fancy more favorable things at the moment. I'd rather take my feet to a happy environment (which more likely spells out the word "theater"), than trying to please professors who'd rather have things happen their way rather than how you think it should be.

And for the next term, I'd have to excuse myself AGAIN for the conflicting class schedules because of Mulan rehearsals. Fine, priority must mean 'school', but I just don't find peace in that realm. I just want to get this over and done with. (Good grief! I've been saying this since first year college!!!)

I want to feel free at least. I want to be able to do my shows without class conflicts. I know I'm in a hurry, but I'm really getting tired of all these pretensions -- pleasing people just to get that 'spectacular little thing'.

I just want to be able to do what I want to. Without the pressure of my mom. Well, yeah, theater is definitely NOT a very lucrative profession, but it's the profession that you could juggle with other things. I'd rather live with mediocre financial status doing what I like than be filthy rich in an environment that would consume me alive.

"But you have to live your dreams, not anyone else's", it's one of the best lines I've heard. And I just had to hear it tonight.

Thanks for the prayers, Lea! :) I really appreciate everything you said.